I don’t do a lot of jumping into random chatrooms, but there’s one Internet realm where I regularly come into contact with people I don’t know: online dating. The number of Internet dating sites has only grown in recent years, and as more and more young professionals rely on dating sites to help cram their socializing into their busy lives, the stigma against finding a relationship online is slowly diminishing.

Gone are the days when every potential match on a dating site is that unemployed overweight creep typing in Mom’s basement. In fact, the modern world of online dating is a utopia of intelligent, thoughtful discussion where women and men alike can feel accepted and join in an enlightened new era of gender relations.

Not.

Online dating sites are just that: online. And as we’ve all seen in everything from cyberbullying to moronic comments on YouTube videos, the anonymity of a computer screen can cause Internet users to unleash the worst parts of themselves. And it’s not surprising that among the nasty opinions that arise, deep-seated and problematic gender dichotomies and inequalities rear their ugly heads left and right.

Dating sites often feature match questions that users answer to help calculate their compatibility with other users. On my particular site of choice, the match questions are submitted by the users themselves, and whether they mean it or not, they reveal their writers’ gender notions full force. Here are a few examples:

“Is a guy who’s slept with 100 girls a bad person?” I can understand this writer’s point; on a site frequented by people who have many varying opinions about sexual activity, it’s important to learn each other’s perspectives.

But the problem arises in a corollary question: “Is a girl who’s slept with 100 guys a bad person?” I wish my site would reveal how many users answered one way or another, because I’d like to see how many people would answer “no” to one question and “yes” to the other. How many people would call a sexually active woman a “slut” and a sexually active man a “bachelor on the prowl”?

Along the same lines, consider the following question: “How do you feel about women openly displaying tattoos?” The clear implication is that men displaying tattoos is totally fine, but there’s some reason why women shouldn’t be allowed to do the same. I don’t care if it’s tattoos, level of sexual activity, preference for kicking puppies and small children, whatever: no freedom afforded to men should be denied to women.

It gets worse. So much worse. In profoundly damaging ways.

“Which best represents your opinion of same-sex relationships?” Reading just the question, it seems fairly legitimate, honestly seeking people’s perspectives on the morality of homosexuality. The possible answers, however, reveal the real problem. Two answers are predictable: “All same-sex relationships are wrong” and “It’s all fine by me.” The two others are the lynch pin: approving “girl-on-girl” but not “guy-on-guy” relationships, and vice versa.

If the writer had phrased the answer choices as “lesbian” or “gay” relationships respectively, it might not be quite so horribly offensive (although still pretty dang horrible). But my hackles rise straight up when I hear the sexually charged, pornographic “girl-on-girl.” Neither gender should be flattered to hear that their relationship is only tolerable if it’s sexy to a drooling voyeur.

You’re not ready for the worst of the worst. I wasn’t either.

“No means NO!”

To me, this isn’t a question up for discussion. And the only user response I consider acceptable is “Always. Period.” But there are three other possible responses that chill me to the bone:

-“Mostly, but occasionally it’s really a Yes in disguise.”

-“A No is just a Yes that needs a little convincing!”

-And “Never, they all want me. They just don’t know it.”

Feel that chill crawling up your spine? That’s how it feels to be a woman on the Internet. The Web can be a frightening place, crawling with cruel bullies and pedophiles pretending to be friendly. But it’s also crawling with people who harbor offensive and even dangerous opinions toward women, masquerading as normal, pleasant people.

Tread carefully as you go find your next dates, ladies.