Image used courtesy of geekadelphia.com
When you are a college student and a drinker, Jello shots become a natural go to for intoxication. You get a snack and a shot, in one colorful package.
Two words: Jello shots.
There's so much to love about these little guys. I mean, first of all--who doesn't love Jello? It's wiggly, it's jiggly and I'm pretty sure Bill Cosby used to appear in the commercials. If that isn't a legitimate endorsement (the Coz and his sweater collection wouldn't rep just any product, I'm sure), then I don't know what is. And there's something about eating jello that makes you feel kind of ridiculous and kind of like a five-year-old...or a toothless old man...or like you just got your wisdom teeth out. And who doesn't love that?
But just when you thought this luscious lunchbox staple couldn't get any better, my friends, the alcohol comes in and makes this treat more... mature... and less kid-and-Cosby friendly (though I'm sure Bill used to toss back a few in the day). Whether you add vodka or--for the balls-to-the-wall--Everclear, with the addition of a little liquor, it's a snack AND a shot. Jello just got more fun--and who thought THAT was possible?!
But whether you're making 'em (you Betty Crockers of booze, you) or taking 'em (always recommended), there are a few things to take into consideration:
1. If you're on a deadline and promised to bring the Jello shots to the party, baptism (they drink at those things, right?), briss (google it), whatever--for god's sake, plan ahead.
I've never seen anyone more stressed than one of my guy friends was when trying to whip up a few hundred jello shots an hour before a party was supposed to start. And if they don't set, they aren't jello shots. In fact it'll taste like shooting straight up cough syrup.
This isn't studying for your midterm, and it's not writing a research paper. In this situation, procrastination will NOT pay off, so give yourself enough time. And be sure to sample at leeeeast six or seven. Ya know--just to make sure they're aight.
2. Add gummy bears. Trust me, it's delicious...and the little guys look pretty damn adorable.
3. Don't choke on your Jello shot. Really. Not only will you look like a total newb, but the hammered do not perform the heimlich well, and nothing kills a party like a visit from the paramedics (except maybe a visit from the police). So don't be selfish. Know your uhh... gulping limit... and really-- come on--it's called chewing.
4. Don't buy them at a bar. "$2 jello shots!" Is not a deal; it's a scam. They're not the size--or strength-- of regular shots (ergo--not a fiscally responsible choice...duh), and you also inevitably end up getting your fingers or mouth sticky without a nearby sink to wash off. And just try pullin' any babes or bros with jello residue all over yourself. Ew. Nobody likes the sticky kid.
Basically, jello shots are preferable at a party where you can post up between the fridge and sink and hook yourself up--then clean yourself off--for free. Downtown is not the time nor place so man up, make the most of your money and time, and in this circumstance, trade in for tequila.
5. If you're planning to make a batch yourself, steal--umm, borrow...with no intention of returning--condiment cups from Taco Cabana. Conveniently, mini plastic cups designed for pico de gallo are also the perfect size for jello shots. So be polite and order a taco, hit up the salsa counter, swipe the entire stack...and run. Trust me, they don't chase you. I know from experience.
6. I assume everyone knows this, but sometimes you gotta add a disclaimer justttt in case: When making jello shots, NO DARK LIQUOR. This is one situation where even Captain is a no-go, and I swear to god if I ever go anywhere with whiskey jello shots, I'm going to write a 12-part series entitled "What the HELL are you thinking?"
Like I said--disclaimer.
So there you have it. A few of my tips on how to do the impossible: make Jello more fun. And the answer was just add alcohol-- who woulda thought?