For some people, this past Friday was just another school day. For others, it was considered a high holy day…in fact, THE high holy day. And then for another select few of us, we were using our Friday to cope with our hangovers we acquired from debauchery caused downtown on Thursday night. While I do have some great stories from Thursday night, my instinct tells me to stay on topic and talk about 4/20 (though my ADHD tells me to do otherwise).

Every pot smoker I know anticipates this day like it’s f***ing New Year’s. They countdown to the day, the hour, and will even buy $420 worth of pot. I’ve heard rumors and urban legends about why 4/20 was chosen as “pot day,” so there is no telling which one is true. I’ll just assume that it was a combination of rich potheads that used to smoke at 4:20 PM every day and some poor potheads (all of you that aren’t successful musicians) could only afford to smoke one day per year. I don’t know why I would call them potheads if they only did it once a year, but whatever. So the day that they would smoke was on 4/20 with the rich dudes at 4:20. Ok, I know what happened now. Phish decided that each year on 4/20, they would let their groupies smoke with them. All of the other days of the year they would only keep their weed to themselves because they were selPhish (yes, that entire story was made just so I can make one bad pun). So now that we know the history or Phishtory (these need to stop) behind 4/20, how do people keep that history intact?

So a bunch of people go out of their way to get completely stoned out of their minds just because it is the 20th day of the 4th month of the year. What I don’t understand is, if they love weed so much and were probably going to get stoned anyway, why do they need a f***ing holiday for it? It’s not like the holiday legalizes it for a day. It’s still illegal. In fact, it’s a day designed to openly tell law enforcement agencies that you will be voluntarily breaking the law. All I’m going to say is thank God we don’t have days to celebrate more serious crimes. Then again, serial killers would be much easier to catch if they had a day dedicated to them. In fact, I just got word that if you are a serial killer and you are reading this article, there is a party in your honor at your local police precinct (call in advance with your name and address to get on the VIP guest list).

Ok, straying away from my likely failed sting operation (if you’re a serial killer and you’re still reading this, pay no attention to any of the words after VIP guest list), the Legalize Marijuana movement is kind of pathetic. I’m not saying I disagree with it, but it definitely lacks a significant intelligent spokesperson. Hippies that say, “Legalize it man,” aren’t going to win any arguments. The day Stephen Hawking says that pot should be legalized is the day the movement actually has my attention. Lastly, I think that our government can prove to us that they have a sense of humor by legalizing heroin… and nothing else. There is a legalize marijuana movement, and there is a legalize all drugs movement, but there is no movement to specifically legalize heroin. While such a law would make zero sense, I think it would all make us laugh. Then again, I’m told that weed does that.
Either way, I’m just going to stick to alcohol, because Thursday night was amazing. Like I said, I won’t go into detail, but to make a long story short, I hear that the cops are throwing me a party.