One of my favorite events will take place this coming weekend. That event is the giant, drunken shitshow we all know as Round-Up. I actually tried to find a definition of Round-Up from the university, but I was unable to do so. My personal definition of Round-Up: “Round-Up is the one weekend of the year when we wear neon sorority tanks to celebrate alcoholism, crawfish genocide, and that tricky gray area known as the age of consent.” In between all of this debauchery, sororities are holding philanthropy events that serve food, which is perfect when you have the drunk munchies, don’t eat crawfish, or just got back from jail because she looked older than she really was.

How to Behave

Now for my advice on how to properly enjoy this wonderful time of the year to its fullest extent: During Round-Up, it is always 5 o’clock somewhere. As long as you are awake, there should be a drink in your hand. Did I say hand? I meant mouth! As soon as you get out of bed from Thursday to Sunday, you should be drinking until you go to sleep that night. In fact, you shouldn’t even technically “go to sleep.” You should pass out against your own will, and then when you wake up again, start drinking again.

Round-Up Style

What do you wear during Round-Up? This is your one time of the year to dress like a total jackass, and no one will give a f***. In fact, it is encouraged that you dress like Lady Gaga’s colorblind dog. Wear neon!!! A tank is preferable, but a t-shirt is ok. Sororities and spirit groups tend to sell the best tanks for this occasion (even though you will likely only wear these once). I’d say wear a pair of sunglasses because it’s usually nice out. And lastly, always be prepared to get wet. You never know when you might get pelted with water balloons, soaked by a water gun, or accidentally wander onto a slip n’ slide. Also, always have a koozie on you at all times. If a sorority is selling necklace koozies, it is worth every penny.

Location, Location, Location

Where do you go during Round-Up? Well, you try to go to as many places as you can. Most of the fraternities have decent concerts while most of the sororities have philanthropy events with delicious food. If you’re a girl, you can just get into everything. So unless there is some place you absolutely hate going, go to as many fraternity houses as you can, because each one has a unique Round-Up experience that is fun as hell. And definitely go to all of the sorority events (unless you effing hate all the bitches in that sorority) because the food is delicious and the money goes towards a good cause. For the guys, use your networks to try to get into fraternity events. Also, guys should go to the sorority events because it’s hard to name something better than sorority girls and good food (at least when I’m hammered).

What makes Round-Up so great is that the feeling sweeps up all of West Campus. Everywhere you look, you see neon. Everywhere you turn, you smell crawfish. Every time you open your mouth, you yell something stupid because you are wasted. By the end of the weekend, everyone will have a great story about themselves--but for those who did Round-Up right, they won’t be the ones telling it.