Instead of taking on more responsibility, you should try to improve yourself. Join a gym. Read books--the thicker, the better...These things will make you somewhat more interesting.
| Author: | Dr. Toughlove |
| Category: | Lifestyle - Advice - Austin |
| Posted On: | Apr 25, 2012 |
| Last Update: | Apr 25, 2012 |
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Photo courtesy Neoktang
ADVICE: Should I Get a Dog to Meet More Women?
Dr. Toughlove gives some (not so kind) advice to a lonely reader who is considering buying a dog to meet more women.
| Photo courtesy Neoktang |
Dear Dr. Toughlove,
Throughout my entire life, I’ve had a hard time meeting women. I’m a fairly typical 23-year-old male, and for some reason, my love life--or lack thereof--sucks. Whenever my friends and I go out for the evening, I am almost inevitably the only guy who doesn’t bring home a girl or even a phone number. It’s driving me crazy. So, I’ve been thinking of ways to fix my problem, and I’ve come up with a solution: a puppy. Women love puppies, and they’ll swarm anyone with one. I know this may not be the best solution, but it’s the best I can think of at the moment. Do you think that I’m taking the best route? Do you have any other suggestions?
One Horny Hound
Dear Horny Hound,
You better brace yourself, kiddo. Grab some tissues, bite your pillow, or put on a nut cup. This response is going to be about as kind as an ice pick to the balls and just as uncomfortable.
A dog will not fix your problems. It will not shave off a beer belly, transform you into an interesting person, or make your pecker grow to the size of a kielbasa sausage. Whatever illusions you have of improving your social skills through this animal are absolute nonsense. It will only give you a few more chances to initiate conversation. If the only hole in your game is initiation, a dog may boost your chances of meeting women. However, judging by your desperation and the fact that you are writing to an advice columnist for help, I suspect your method of seduction works as well as a mop doused in urine.
“
”
Instead of taking on more responsibility, you should try to improve yourself. Join a gym. Read books--the thicker, the better. Pay attention to politics. Develop some hobbies. These things will make you somewhat more interesting. If these don’t help, wear some different clothes or cut your hair. Also, try talking to more women in different places. I suspect you don’t succeed because you don’t try. Think of each conversation as a learning experience. Use them to learn how to talk to women better, and--since I am just going to assume you are more than a little socially awkward--other people as well. Talk to as many people (female or male) as you can to improve your conversational skills. Also, don’t worry if you fail the first few times. But, if you try all these things and your pecker is still as dry and hard as a bone this time next year, you should stockpile lube, because you will be masturbating for many, many years to come.
Also, don’t get an animal just because your sex life sucks. You should only get a dog because you want one. Don’t be a dumbass. They cost money and demand quite a bit of your time. You should also imagine how difficult it would be to seduce a woman with a dog scratching and whining at your bedroom door. Think this situation through a bit more. If you still want a dog and think you can take care of it, get one. If not, don’t.
These are my words: abide.
-Dr. Toughlove
To email your own questions to Dr. Toughlove, send them in at thedoc@readthehorn.com
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