You need to dump this Neanderthal before you need to have more facial reconstructive surgeries than Cher.
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ADVICE: My Boyfriend Is A Different Person When He's Drunk
Has your boyfriend ever acted completely different when he's wasted? Dr. Toughlove tells you what to do when your significant other gets drunk and the results aren't pretty.
Dear Dr. Toughlove,
My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months now. Everything has been going very well until recently. We’ve been attending some parties around campus, and until this weekend, we would both drink together and have a good time. But, this time he ‘overdid’ it and changed into a completely different person. And this completely different person said some racist and homophobic remarks that were, honestly, pretty appalling and behaved aggressively. The next day I confronted him about the whole ordeal, and he blamed his behavior on stress and tried to sweep it under the rug. I don’t know what to do here. He’s never behaved like this before, and I like him a lot. But, I don’t think I should have to be in a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde situation. Lay it on me. What should I do?
Hyde’s Little Woman
Dear Hyde’s Little Woman,
Dump him. I’ll explain why you should do so in a bit. If at least one square inch of your brain isn’t love mush, you should know this boy is bad news. Unless you want to be stuck with the next Mel Gibson or Ike Turner in-training, I suggest you cut and run.
In my time, I’ve learned a thing or two about booze through some less than admirable ways. Drinking limits inhibitions and amplifies a person’s ‘true’ personality. If you want to really get to know someone, sit down with a bottle of rye, and pay attention. All sorts of impulses will emerge. You may learn your best friend has an ankle fetish, the quiet kid in class is loud and obnoxious, your sister secretly wants to punch you in the teeth, or your father is a closet pervert who relishes videos of the ‘Two Girls, One Cup” varietal.
If you discover something unpleasant about another person in the midst of a binge, you should factor this discovery into your mental image of that person. If it is something supremely ignorant and violent, like what you’ve described, you should know that your boy toy would likely behave this way when he is most uninhibited or comfortable. In other words, the old Mel Gibson routine could emerge on a regular basis once you two know each other better. You need to dump this Neanderthal before you need to have more facial reconstructive surgeries than Cher.
Also, I recommend talking strictly about his behavior when you end the relationship. If he is even remotely sensible, he will know such aggression, racism, and homophobia are indefensible. If he defends his behavior, you know he’s an asshole. Avoid talking about him as a person. These types of folk tend to react poorly to accusations. Either, they feel deeply offended and possibly become violent, or they lay on the charm and promise the incident was a one-time ordeal. Giving in to the latter is a one-way ticket to battered wife syndrome. The world does not need another Rihanna look-alike. Steer clear.
In short, do not mess around with this fellow. Cut him off now. Even if he never hits a single person in his life, you are doing him a favor. He needs to know this type of shit can’t fly, anywhere, and you need a man who can hold his liquor.
These are my words: abide.
Have your own question to send in? Email Dr. Toughlove at firstname.lastname@example.org.