By Chapendra via Flickr
A young woman is unsure if flirting with musicians, while her boyfriend is in Boston for a summer internship, is wrong. Dr. Toughlove lets her know what he thinks.
Dear Dr. Toughlove,
I'm a 25-year-old female, and I'm in a committed relationship with my boyfriend. He's in Boston right now working on an internship while I am in Austin. He left about a month ago, and he won't return for another two months. Anyways, I've been going to shows lately and talking to people. One evening I ended up hanging out with some musicians, and one of them complimented me, and I totally ate it up and milked his interest in me for all it was worth. Anyways, we hung out all night. Then, the next day he texted me asking to hang out and I agreed. Is what I'm doing wrong if I'm in a monogamous relationship? I don't plan on having sex with the guy. Is it wrong to be this flirtatious?
Sucker for Singers
I wasn’t born last week, sweetheart. Save the bullshit for someone else. If you didn’t think you were doing something wrong, you wouldn’t ask. Because you are asking, I assume you either violated some spoken or unspoken agreement made with your current man friend, or, you want to violate this sort of an agreement.
If you have already done something that compromises your relationship, you have a few options. One, keep you mouth shut, and do not tell him about whatever words or fluids were exchanged. This option could provide a low drama solution. It could also cause your boyfriend to go Pompeii on your ass if he learns you were groping some musician atop a graffiti ridden urinal.
Two, you could hide all evidence from that evening. This option includes killing more than a few people and burying them in some God forsaken trough in the desert. Unless you have a friend named Walter White or a hoard of trolls at your disposal, I recommend avoiding this option.
Your last and best option is to just level with your boyfriend. Tell him about the musician, about the flirting, about the possible tonsil licking. Profess it all. He will then say, “I can deal with it,” or, “We’re done.” He may throw a bit of a tantrum before he reaches this decision. I suggest preparing yourself with a shot of whiskey and a suppository of remorse. You may need both.
If nothing happened and you are just not-so-subtly expressing your desire to jump this musician’s bones, you have far less reason to be concerned. Just talk with your boy toy and see what happens. Your boyfriend will either be fine with the situation, or he won’t. If he isn’t, I suggest you find someone else, a musician perhaps. If he is, congratulations! You have found a winner.
Whatever you do, just level with him. Your ‘It’s just innocent flirting’ story is about as subtle as diarrhea on the sidewalk. If your boyfriend has half a brain, he’ll smell that bullshit a mile away. Just be honest.
These are my words: abide.
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