Dear Test my Testes,

Here’s a rule for you, kid. If you’re sticking your penis or any other body part inside people or allowing them to stick themselves inside you, you should get tested regularly. Don’t be a dumbass. Believing you’re an invincible lady-killer will not shake the rot from your pecker. In fact, this belief will only spackle your scrotum with irony.

Let me be brutally honest. Not getting tested is irresponsible and f---ing stupid. Every sexually active person—male, female, transgender, gay, straight, or bisexual—should get tested every few months. Avoiding STD/HIV testing is dangerous for yourself and anyone who slathers your sausage. While I’m not convinced that STDs are as rampant as 7th grade sex education classes suggest, they should concern you, especially if you failed to use a condom. Even if you used a condom, you should still get tested.

From your letter, I assume you have not been tested before, and—perhaps I’m going out on a limb here—you didn’t lose your virginity to this girl wobbling at the end of the bar. With that said, you need to shed whatever inhibitions or misconceptions are keeping you from testing the toxicity of your sex serums. Get tested.

Here are some places you can go. UT’s University Health Services offers STI/HIV testing. This page also contains various links for other locations that offer testing. If none of these locations suit you, Planned Parenthood offers affordable testing and other resources, despite what various less-than-informed Republican senators may think.

Now, is there a chance that your friends are just trying to razz you? Certainly. Men gravitate towards bullshit from time to time. Some women do as well. Sadly, many sexually active women receive the backlash of this tendency, and they are victimized by various gender stereotypes and ideologies. Most of which are archaic, stupid, and ignorant. However, unless you like the idea of yellow fluid clogging your urethra, you should still get tested, kiddo.

These are my words: abide.

Dr. Toughlove

Please submit your questions to thedoc@readthehorn.com

Also, Dr. Toughlove will appear at the University of Texas in late October to deliver a one of a kind talk concerning male behavior, male sexuality and sex. If you have any questions you would like answered during this talk, please submit them to thedoc@readthehorn.com.