Andrew Luck, the future #1 pick of the Indianapolis Colts in the 2012 NFL Draft.
Our 120 Proofread columnist tells us some of the secrets the sports world is keeping from us. Head inside for the details.
The Indianapolis Colts have just announced their intentions with the 1st pick in the NFL Draft. They previously stated that they would keep it a "secret" until draft day...right...
Now, the Colts' front office is confirming that they intend to draft Andrew Luck from Stanford. Apparently, it is more common than we think for teams and players to keep secrets from the general public, so I did some investigative journalism to find out some secrets from pro sports that the public may not be ready to hear.
Warning: If you are part of the public (you are), you may not be ready to hear the following.
- The Charlotte Bobcats are actually a D-League team that plays an NBA schedule. Nobody bothered to tell the city of Charlotte.
- The year that Tom Brady was “injured” was just time he took off to get penis enlargement surgery. Matt Cassel played too well during that time, so he had to go the next year.
- The Chicago Cubs have more Stanley Cup titles than World Series championships.
- Michael Jordan is the greatest baseball player ever...at basketball.
- Gary Busey was secretly running the New Orleans Saints bounty system. Gregg Williams and Sean Payton were just patsies.
- The Big 10 (12 teams) and the Big XII (10 teams) offer many excellent careers, as long as it doesn’t involve a background in mathematics.
- The MLS was cancelled about 2 years ago. The players seem to have no idea that the games don’t mean anything.
- When Ozzie Guillen said he admired Castro, he meant the Chicago Cubs shortstop, Starlin Castro. Since he still has too much loyalty to the South Side, he refused to correct himself.
- Ron Artest really went into the stands to get another beer. He thought the first one was so refreshing, so he felt like another one.
- It was also Gary Busey’s idea to make Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless argue with each other every single morning for our amusement.
- Chris Berman doesn’t really work for ESPN. He’s just some fat kid that makes strange noises, and ESPN thought it would be really funny to film it. Someone just randomly called him Swami one day, and now he calls himself that all of the time!
- Erin Andrews was a fembot in Austin Powers. Your pickup attempts will not please her.
- When ET “phoned home,” he called up Rajon Rondo, Chris Bosh, and Sam Cassell to play a pickup game.
- Allen Iverson practiced that speech
- The Pittsburgh Pirates actually try to lose in hopes that they will relocate to a better place. The problem is that nobody wants them.
- Evander Holyfield had a mole on his ear. Mike Tyson was kind enough to remove it without having to wait years for a medical degree.
- I f***ed Bobby Petrino. Yeah, I was going for the blonde girl too, but things got weird, and I just decided f*** it, I’ll take what I can get at this point.
- Anyone that owns a share of the Green Bay Packers is legally allowed to punch a Vikings, Bears, or Lions fan in the face.
- Bing Crosby is Sidney Crosby’s real father...and also the inventor of Bing.
- Troy Polamalu wears a wig
- The Phillie Phanatic is Joakim Noah’s summer job
- LA actually has an NFL team. Unfortunately, nobody shows up to play because of the traffic.
- Tim Tebow is actually Jewish
- Jordan Shipley loved playing for the Longhorns so much, he decided to come back under the alias "Jaxon."
- It’s Tuesday...and OU Still Sucks! Actually, everyone already knew that one.
Have a good week!