Football: Gregg Williams
He paid me to put his name in this column. Extra incentive if I could find a way to put him ahead of everyone else.

Analyst: Skip Bayless:
Skip Bayless is the perfect combination of arrogance and stupidity. Everything that comes out of his mouth is either completely insane or completely stupid. Skip doesn't care, though. He will defend anything he says no matter how ridiculous it may be. While his personality is entertaining to watch, his idolization of Tim Tebow, and the way he misquotes people to manipulate them is quite douchy.

Soccer: Manu Ginobili
The flopping speaks for itself.

Hockey: Todd Bertuzzi
Yes, punching someone in the back of the head is always a douchebag move. Especially when they’re not expecting it (which is always… because it’s the back of their head). That brings up the next guy…

Basketball: Metta World Peace/Ron Artest
Where do I start? The most violent player in the NBA naming himself “World Peace” is like Charlie Sheen naming himself “Sobriety.” Under the “alias,” he elbowed James Harden and got suspended. He thanked his psychiatrist after winning the championship. He admitted to drinking Hennessey at halftime. Ron was always a controversial player, but to top it off he went way across the line when he actually charged into the stands and punched a fan. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you a drunken fistfight… this is what we’ve all been waiting for. This is “World Peace.”

Baseball: Every Single Red Sox Fan
There was a time when you were likable. Before the Red Sox won the World Series, everyone was rooting for you. Everyone hated the “evil empire.” Now that you guys did win, SHUT THE F*** UP! First of all, almost anything said in a Boston accent sounds like someone is putting a parrot in a meatgrinder. Second of all, you can’t have a conversation with them without them mentioning how much they love the Sox or how great they are. I understand the rivalry with the Yankees, but when Red Sox fans complain that the Yankees are just good because they spend a lot of money, it is a moot point. The Red Sox do the same thing. The Yankees are just much better at doing it. So if you hate the Yankees because they have money, then you should hate the Red Sox too. I hate both teams, but I think the icing on the cake is when I come to the realization that Red Sox fans are also Celtics and Patriots fans. I am never moving to Boston. I will put my kid up for adoption if he or she grows up rooting for the Celtics.

Referees: MLB’s Joe West and NBA’s Joey Crawford
Tim Donaghy definitely gets an honorable mention here. However, in his book, Joey Crawford seemed like such an asshole. I already knew that Joey Crawford was an asshole when he gave Tim Duncan a double technical while Duncan was on the bench and laughing. Crawford is quick to blow the whistle, and at many times seems to act like he is bigger than the game itself. Joe West also acts like he is much bigger than the game. And I’m not just saying that because he’s overweight. He makes plenty of controversial calls, whether or not he actually sees the play happen. He is also not afraid to eject anyone. In fact, if it helps get his name out there, he loves it because in addition to being an ump, he is also in a band. I guess any publicity is good publicity?

Quidditch: Draco Malfoy
Ok, I only read the first 4, but he seems like a real ass. Maybe he’s changed by the 7th, but I doubt it. Maybe my next blind review should be about Harry Potter….